My Mommy Identity Crisis

Identity crisis is not just for the adolescent;  I don’t care what psychologists say.  I strongly believe women can suffer of a mommy identity crisis as I did this past year.  Let me elaborate . . .

Mommy Identity Crisis

So I’ve been dillydallying in the world of cyberspace for about a year now.  In February of 2013, I decided I wanted to make an income from home on the internet.  I did not have a plan beyond that.  I had started a home business that quite honestly required me to be in peoples’ faces A LOT and took me away from my family and God quite a bit.  I soon decided that was not a good fit for my personality, my peeps, nor my lifestyle.

I then dove into the world of internet marketing.  There I found people who used the internet to “be found” by other people who would be interested in working with them.  I switched to another home business which I love in hopes of making it work with the internet.  Long story short, a blog was essential to make internet marketing work.

I’ve had Claudia (co-founder of this blog) support me all along my internet journey.  I’d mention my big internet business dreams, but mostly we’d talk about daily life.  We often vented and encouraged each other with regard to the pressure we both felt from the people closest to us who expected so much more from us . . . . meaning they thought it was disappointing for us to be stay at home moms given our educational background.  We figured other mommies like us need encouragement too so we thought we’d record our conversations and share them with the world through a podcast.  That is how the Everything Stay At Home Mom podcast and then the blog were born.  

Everything Stay At Home Mom is website #3 for me, but it is my first true internet baby.  It’s given me a voice in the mommy world that I thought I’d otherwise have to keep to myself and my toddler day in and day out.  I love, love, love this blog.  It’s brought me closer to my good friend Claudia and to so many other mommies I would have never met or reconnected with otherwise.  So I quickly got distracted in the world of mommy blogging, to say the least.

I’ve been happily writing posts on this blog for the pasts 5 months  . . . and THEN my hubby gave me a deadline.  You see, my hubby does a lot to give me time to work on the facebook page, instagram, blog, learn internet marketing, network, go to conferences, etc. etc.  He’s tired when he comes home from work.  He sees I’m tired as well.  He figures if I’m not bringing X amount of dollars by the end of the year, then it’s not worth me spending so much time in cyberspace.

MommyBlogger Picture

So I panicked!!!  I originally came to the internet to find a way to build a home business, but I got distracted and found a lovely community of mothers instead.  So the thought of having to give that up was frightening.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed I haven’t posted in over 2 weeks . . . the anxiety gave me writer’s block!

I’ve finally been able to take a deep breathe and analyze my situation.  I finally figured out that I’ve had a mommy identity crisis this whole past year.  The day I left my job in October 2012, I did it without looking back, without regret, but also without a plan other than enjoy my family.  I wasn’t prepared to have the feelings of being unproductive, in a money making way, throw me for a loop.  I had decided to not be a career woman, but I never settled on being a stay at home mom or work at home mom.  I keep calling myself a stay at home mom because my business efforts have been minor, who am I kidding? . . . I’ve been playing around with the concept.  My hours of “work” have been fun . . . with the hope of one day monetizing my efforts.  I’m in no way working a consistent schedule making consistent money.

Here’s the thing . . . I haven’t been 100% about my family, although they do take priority.  My husband and daughter have both felt that in one way or another.  So hubby is setting his foot down and saying “show something for your efforts or put it on the back burner” in other words “show me the money” :).  I really can’t blame him.  I actually think it makes complete sense.  But I don’t want to give up my baby (blog).

Part of me wants to be a Pinterest mom, for lack of a better term.  By this I mean a mom who actually carries out all the cool learning and craft activities available on Pinterest with my toddler.  I’d love to make meals from scratch.  I’d love to keep the house spotless and completely organized.  I’d love to go to playdates every day.  I’d love to sew my daughter clothes.  I’d love to plan romantic things for my husband.  . . . . BUT, the complete and honest truth is that I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.  I think moms who do those things are awesome, if they exist 🙂  Don’t get me wrong, I spend a fair amount of time on there.  I do my best to do some projects here and there.  Yet, if this year of cyberspace living has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I thrive as an individual when I have personal projects and goals.  For me, currently, being discovered as a mommy blogger and creating a loving, supportive, encouraging community of mommies that uplift each other is my personal project and goal.  I’m not going to lie; I’d love to monetize that somewhere down the road  . . . but I’m taking my time so I do it wisely.

How can we thrive as mothers and wives if we don’t thrive as individuals?  So for that reason, I’m determined to meet my financial goal to make X amount of dollars from home by the end of the year so the plug is not pulled on me.  Plus, the time is now while I just have one kid to tend to anyway.  This may mean I may be a little bit scarce here once in a while, but there is no way I’m giving up Everything Stay At Home Mom . . .  well the name may change down the road, who knows . . . more on that later.  In the meantime, I invite you to sit back, grab some popcorn, and stay tuned into my adventures.   Claudia will continue posting her lovely homeschooling paleo-ish mother of 5 adventures as well.   We continue to aim to encourage other awesome mommies.  What’s a fun road trip through life without company?  We’d love to have your company on our journeys down the roads less traveled.  Hopefully, they’ll be of some benefit to you as well.  I, for one, love learning from OTHER people’s mistakes.  LOL!

Mari and Claudia

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-Marisela

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14 comments

  1. Missy says:

    Marisela, it’s so hard to figure out where that line is, as a stay-at-home mama who writes. It sounds like the answers are becoming clearer and you are identifying how you can thrive this year. I pray God continues to make your path clear!

  2. Mary Geisen says:

    I loved reading this perspective and I do firmly believe that as moms or actually anyone, we need to develop ourselves first. In that process we learn who we are and what are gifts are and how these can be used to best serve others. Glad to be visiting you from Better Bloggers!
    Mary

    • Marisela says:

      Thank you, Mary. I commonly run into moms who are staying at home who feel anxious to go back to work not necessarily for the desire to work or interest to work but because they are bored at home. I want the best of both worlds. I want to develop myself and still be home for my family. It’s just the prioritizing of tasks and projects relative to home obligations that becomes challenging for me.

  3. Marie says:

    What a great post. I left my job almost 16 years ago tostay home with our kids. I still feel like I shshould contribute more, especially with the blog I started last year. Found youmay Better Blogs on Facebook.

    • Marisela says:

      Thank you Marie. Isn’t that true. We are so hard on ourselves, I think. Blogs take a while, I learned . . . success is relative to time and effort invested. I find it challenging to find the time and invest the proper effort amidst the craziness of life. So awesome you’ve been home 16 years! Your blog looks yummy! I just followed on Pinterest 🙂

  4. Tammy says:

    This is a great post, I just started my blog in the fall of last year and am loving the folks I meet through different communities. I will agree that I do get blog guilt and writers block often. My attention span also creates a disadvantage; there is so much to do online including Pinterest and I could spend hours dreaming of things to do.

    I do work full time outside of the home and am hoping that my new adventure in internet marketing/blogging will get me home soon to be with my kids.

    Keep doing what you are doing, you are an inspiration!

    • Marisela says:

      Thank you so much for the comment, Tammy. It’s encouraging to know others share my experience and dreams!! Many kudos to you for holding a full-time job on top of all that, wow. Best of luck! I look forward to hearing your success story. People have to know these dreams are possible and can be reached by real people 🙂

  5. Claudia says:

    I LOOOOVE this and your Joy in Organizing Blog posts! Thanks so much for sharing your heart! God is doing wonderful things!

    • Marisela says:

      I’d love to learn more about freelance writing. You and I seem to have lots in common 🙂 I think it’s less fun when there is pressure.

  6. Azu says:

    You can do it! I believe in you. I enjoy your blogs. I believe you are a natural writer and somehow this will work out for you. 🙂

    • Marisela says:

      Ah! Thank you Azucena! I’m blessed to have a wonderful friend like you to support me in my dreams and goals.

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